I Forgot To Live

I remember taking the entire episode too far

Thinking nothing would ever happen

That I would never have to pay

The ultimate price

For my indignant prose.

I remember the feeling of euphoria

As everything crumbled at our feet

Because I’ve always known one thing in life

That everyone says they love you

Will eventually walk away.

I remember glaring accusations and denials

Filthy lies and dangerous appeals

Our tone rising as we tried to make our point

As everything we built between us

We crushed with our own two hands.

I remember lying to everyone about being fine

A friend telling me that you had moved on very quickly

That she was French, and beautiful

With a knack for words just like you want

And exactly how much that hurt.

I remember laying in bed with the phone ringing

That I had no intention of answering

Because I knew it wasn’t you

Because you only called

When you were angry.

I remember everything about losing you

The way my house looked at the time

Where that blue thing was hung up

Who called that day

And who did not.

I remember every hope and dream I had of us

Came crashing down like a crescendo in a piano piece

Someone forgot to play

Looking into innocent eyes and wondering

If any decision was ever the right one.

I remember being defiant and angry

Even when I knew the woman you moved on with

Wasn’t the one I was accusing you of.

The complete feeling of loss

As if someone had died, though it had been me.

I remember thinking I was a stepping stone

To every woman you would have after me

And how it felt to just be someone’s ‘moment’

That you truly wanted to be with

For the remainder of your life.

I remember all of this

From so long ago

It occurred to me

I spent so much time

Worrying about you

Where you were

Who you loved

How you were doing

That I forgot to live.