Broken To Pieces

They say things happen over time, and I clearly don’t know who “they” are.

Sometimes things happen in an instant, that can completely tear your world apart.

There is a moment in my life, I wish I could turn back the clock

To just a few seconds before it occurred, so I could avoid it, completely.

In seconds, my life came to a tragic halt, and everything I knew prior to that changed.

For years, looking at a doorknob wasn’t the same for me, it changed.

For months, every man I looked at I saw differently than before.

For weeks, I wouldn’t go home alone.

For days, I just wanted to curl up, and die.

For hours, I wanted to kill him, and didn’t care what happened to me because of it.

For minutes, I lost myself in moments of rage and disbelief.

For seconds, I wondered if I would live.

Life isn’t what happens to you over a long span of time

Sometimes it is in seconds, or minutes, or days –

They don’t define you, but they arrange you, and your perspective on everything.

Then, you are lost in a hole that you don’t know how to get out of

You are broken, to pieces, yet somehow still sufficiently alive.

PTSD takes a toll on us, every day –

Being so alert and aware of our surroundings

Being frightened over things like thunder, a car engine, or a doorknob.

Not telling – Not dealing – Not wanting – Not needing

We know that a second can ruin a life

It takes years to rebuild the trust in humanity we lose

From that second.