They say things happen over time, and I clearly don’t know who “they” are.
Sometimes things happen in an instant, that can completely tear your world apart.
There is a moment in my life, I wish I could turn back the clock
To just a few seconds before it occurred, so I could avoid it, completely.
In seconds, my life came to a tragic halt, and everything I knew prior to that changed.
For years, looking at a doorknob wasn’t the same for me, it changed.
For months, every man I looked at I saw differently than before.
For weeks, I wouldn’t go home alone.
For days, I just wanted to curl up, and die.
For hours, I wanted to kill him, and didn’t care what happened to me because of it.
For minutes, I lost myself in moments of rage and disbelief.
For seconds, I wondered if I would live.
Life isn’t what happens to you over a long span of time
Sometimes it is in seconds, or minutes, or days –
They don’t define you, but they arrange you, and your perspective on everything.
Then, you are lost in a hole that you don’t know how to get out of
You are broken, to pieces, yet somehow still sufficiently alive.
PTSD takes a toll on us, every day –
Being so alert and aware of our surroundings
Being frightened over things like thunder, a car engine, or a doorknob.
Not telling – Not dealing – Not wanting – Not needing
We know that a second can ruin a life
It takes years to rebuild the trust in humanity we lose
From that second.