Fall Apart

Endless hues of green and lavender
With the scent of guilt that tonight cannot crush.
A feeling of endless ruins of bliss
That beat any sort of restful rush.

Honing along and singing a tune
To the beat of 1876.
When I ran past the man with a hat
He hit me with his stick.

“There are plenty of people around
We stood here for hours grazing at the feast”
I hadn’t really thought of the food
I wanted to sleep with the beast.

Maybe your high hopes for me
You should not shove up your ventricle.
I’d make you see where I’d like you to put it
But I don’t want to be a spectacle.

We watch the dancing colors align
Then watch it all fall apart.
Crosses bear an endless resemblance
To what occurs within our heart.

I hung my hat tonight on sensibility
Threw my scarf over the past.
I’d say it took me long to mourn this lie
But 12 hours haven’t even passed.

Mark this day on your calendar
I did what I said I would never.
I’ve taken a road I swore off years ago
There’s no going back from forever.

Held a knife tonight at the table
Stabbed myself in the thumb.
I wanted to feel something sharp
I grow tired of feeling so numb.

Clarity drives a fast car past me
The hooks of reliance are gone.
Shaping my future from a past of fuck
Just leave me when I am wrong.

“Oh look what a disaster this woman is
She’s lucky she can even breathe!”
No, I’m lucky I can survive with stupidity
Yet you will never see me seethe.

Just play with someone else tomorrow
While I deal with reality.
Comfort your lie with a spot of regret
While I joke about your morality.