How Do I Feel?

Unrest and unseasoned

A hopeful testament to all that was lost

When something inside of me

Decided I was going to stop living.

Now the voices of people

Along with every other sound that is made

Is just noise;

Complicated vibrations that are meant

To distract me

From the agony

Inside of me.

Material objects around

Are meaningless

Forced upon me in a world

Bent with the destruction

that is commercialism.

What I end up being

In a few weeks

Is an absolute nothing;

A wasted human being

That cares for nothing

Feels nothing

And wants nothing.

The phone rings

I don’t even care enough

To see who it is.

They leave a message

That I have to pretend to listen to

So it can be erased.

It is a good friend

From back before this took hold of me

She wants to know how I’m feeling.

The only problem is

I don’t know..

 

How do I feel?

What do I want?

Why can’t I touch something?

Why can’t something touch me?

 

An unbearable report comes to me

The sense that I’ve lost control of everything

That it is all meaningless and hopeless.

I would cry

But I’ve done enough of that.

I would scream

But would anyone hear me?

I would live

But I don’t feel like it just now.

 

One more week

Just a few days

Of this

Teetering

Then I’ll get up

And think about living again.