I Don't Want To Be Brave

Right now I don’t want to be all brave

I want to scream and shout

Go outside and yell at the stars

Tell them they are liars

Of the worst kind.

Tonight I don’t want to be rescued

I want to kick your ass

Then ask why you weren’t here

To help me.

 

Then I want to sit with a small town man

That has never left this state

And talk about how he would change the world

You know, the one he knows nothing about.

 

Tonight I want to let go of the complex

Contrite bitch that I am

And just sit with this man

Be in this moment with him

In his world

Not mine.

 

Tomorrow I can go back to being myself

I can pretend that you walking away

Didn’t bother me in the least

That you telling me I wasn’t worth it

Didn’t hurt me at all.

I’ll pretend I didn’t fall

That I’m a better woman

In your absence.

 

Tonight though, tonight I will feel it

Tonight I will take it out on everything

Even myself.

 

Tonight I will tell him all about you

All about my stupid life

Forgetting there is any good in it at all.

 

Tonight I will cry when I want to

Scream when it needs to come out

So that tomorrow I can forge ahead.

 

Tonight I asked him if I was too ugly to be loved

He said “no, you are too beautiful to settle for a moron.”

 

Shades help me deal with the truth of you

Inside what could fit in a shoe

Then I settled the score with a little bet of my own.

 

Horses run across this field

Laid open are our hearts not healed

Then empty is what we left of those before.

 

While chatting I remembered my God

He stood before me with an iron rod

Told me he was the one man that never forsake me.

 

Promised there would be a man

Somewhere in this great land

That would love me more than I could believe.

 

Tonight I may take little step back

Tomorrow I’ll be right on track

Hoping nobody saw me so vulnerable.

 

This man that took his time tonight

To listen to the battle, to hear my current fight

I hope he knows this isn’t the best of me.

 

I’m more than this caustic bitch

I may have lied about the witch

She really doesn’t have spells under her sink.

 

Yesterday I was all the rave

Tonight I don’t intend to be brave

I want to let the demon out that wants to play.