Layers

Painstakingly peeling back layers
To reveal nothing within what was there. 
Watching birds fly around the corpse one night
While the weaker of us could only stare. 
Finding I was a terrible mistake
Not with you, but with her. 
A night filled with drunken desire
Not a memory, just a blur. 
Nine more months of regret
Pawning me off on a different drunk. 
Life may have been great for some
But man, my beginning stunk. 
Sitting now in a field alone
Knowing I'll never, ever be found.
Scenes play over in my head
Yet I'm always laying on the ground. 
Don't belong to this side -
That side hates me too. 
I've screamed that nobody wanted me
Yet a whisper says that isn't true. 
Life altered my survival skills
Mental illness took its course. 
I've fallen down, gotten back up
Courageous and carefree like a horse.
This goes so far beyond crying;
Screaming doesn't even matter.
It is like loving the food on the table
Yet absolutely hating the platter.