Painstakingly peeling back layers To reveal nothing within what was there. Watching birds fly around the corpse one night While the weaker of us could only stare. Finding I was a terrible mistake Not with you, but with her. A night filled with drunken desire Not a memory, just a blur. Nine more months of regret Pawning me off on a different drunk. Life may have been great for some But man, my beginning stunk. Sitting now in a field alone Knowing I'll never, ever be found. Scenes play over in my head Yet I'm always laying on the ground. Don't belong to this side - That side hates me too. I've screamed that nobody wanted me Yet a whisper says that isn't true. Life altered my survival skills Mental illness took its course. I've fallen down, gotten back up Courageous and carefree like a horse. This goes so far beyond crying; Screaming doesn't even matter. It is like loving the food on the table Yet absolutely hating the platter.